Healthy Aging

In my last article Caring for Aging Parents, I touched briefly on the idea of assisted living being an option depending on the specific circumstances. I would like to explore the idea further here.

Assisted living combines a home-like setting with personal support services to provide more intensive care than is available through home care services. Assisted living facilities provide aging adults with an option care that is less expensive and less restrictive.

Services included will vary from facility to facility but common ones are generally meals, housekeeping services, laundry, transportation, maintenance, activities, 24-hour staff availability and security. These are services that have always been available in retirement communities. What is new and different about assisted living is the addition of personal care and some nursing services. Residences offer assistance with eating, bathing, dressing, walking, grooming and personal hygiene. Certain skilled care needs such as medication administration, special diets and dressing changes can also be met in the assisted living environment.

Costs for assisted living generally range from $2,000 to $4,000 per month and vary depending on the size of living area and the extent of care required.

Assisted living facilities are often connected with independent living residences and nursing homes. The combination is known as a continuing care retirement community. The resident can take advantage of the full range of services available and the ease of transfer to a different type of facility as his or her condition and needs change without needing to look for a new facility, relocate, or adapt to a new setting. For example, the resident may begin in the independent living residences, move to assisted living as he or she needs help with activities of daily living, and eventually move to the nursing home as ongoing care becomes necessary

The biggest draw to assisted living is the greater emphasis placed on preserving a home like environment. I mentioned last time that an aging parent’s sense of dignity and must be respected and assisted living helps with that as the residents have greater autonomy. For this reason among others assisted is continuing to grow in popularity.

As we get older the roles of responsibility of parents and children can begin to shift; sometimes dramatically. Once the parent was responsible for caring for the child, but as the parent reaches their senior years often they require caring for themselves.

The demands of this responsibility on the adult children can range from simply assisting with running errands by chauffering to taking in the parent full time and extensively renovatin the home to accommodate any special needs.

A greater proportion of the population si nearing their senior years and the dilemma of caring for aging parents is growing in significance. Problems of health, finances, long term care become critical when one or both parents are no longer able to care and provide for themselves.

It can be difficult to first broach the subject with an aging parent about their prospects for the future and the topic can bring out a broad range of emotions on behalf of both parties.

The situation may be that the aging child just can not provide full time care and there is no choice but to consider a nursing home or assisted living facility. This can lead to feelings of guilt on the part of the child and feelings of abandonment on the part of the parent.

Providing full time care for an aging parent can consume a great deal of the child’s time and resources. The AARP estimates that those who do will end up spending eighteen hours a week or more providing this assistance. When you consider that the majority of these adult children also have full time jobs then you begin to see the true impact that making that decision carries. The end result can be a whole slew of problems such as stress and frustration.

In the past, caring for aging relatives automatically fell to the female members fo the family but today sons and daughters are face this burden equally.

In today’s society with so many families being fractured by divorce and relocation due to employment, the challenges are greater as the parent who desperately requires the care may not be living in the same part of the country as the available child. This adds the additional element of one of the parties having to possibly move.

Remember that caring for and aging adult does not mean stripping them of their identity and become a full time baby sitter. You just need to assist them with the fundamentals of living that they may be unable to carry out now on their own.

Your best course of action is to talk to others who have been there and try not to feel resentful about the situation that has found you. Try not to fall victim to feelings of resentment or regret, but instead embrace the new opportunity the changed family dynamic offers and make the most of it. After all we all only have so long together, it is important not to squander it with feelings we will regret later.